Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Awww Maaannnn...

I can now officially whine for another year. As if I really ever need an official reason to whine. But I at least can pull this as a reason for whining, if anyone asks.

My horse lost the Preakness Stakes. Yes... I thought Street Sense was going to win. Yes, I was screaming at the top of my lungs and bouncing up and down in front of my large screen TV. Yes, my horse lost by a nose.


By. A. Nose.

No Triple Crown winner again. Sigh.

Now, I just sit back and wait for the new basketball coach at Kentucky to do his thing.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

One Down and Two to Go

My friends know not to plan a cookout, birthday bash for anyone, or generally to ask me to leave the confines of my home... and my 51 inch HDTV on the first Saturday in May. Why?

The Run for the Roses.

On the first Saturday in May, the Kentucky Derby does its best to live up to its tradition of being the most exciting two minutes in sports! This year it did not fail.

With a field of 20 horses, many of whom had the talent to pull off this great feat... the world sat on the edge of their respective seats and waited for the bugles to blare, the drunken crowd to sing "My Old Kentucky Home" and ponder just what Larry Birkhead may be up to in the midst of all the hoopla.

The Queen was in attendance as well. I wonder if she sang the familiar refrain? She may not have known the melody... but once she has experienced it live and in person, I daresay, she's wondering why it has taken her this long to arrive and witness the extravaganza! I wonder if Larry Birkhead spoke to the Queen and asked for advice in raising a child.

The morning favorite was a spunky Curlin, but I wouldn't have put money on him. Not that he isn't a fine horse... he finished third... but he had only raced three times and in none of those races, were there 19 other horses competing for the finish line. I wonder if the bell clanged, the gates opened, Curlin hit the field and thought "who the heck are all these guys?"

Street Sense didn't appear to be worried. He and his more-than-capable jockey hung back in the pack for much of the first part of the race. They let everyone push and bump each other and Calvin edged Street Sense over towards the rail... a spot well-favored by both the horse and jockey... and waited for the Red Sea of Horseflesh to part.

And part it did.

Calvin motored Street Sense through the pack like James Bond would drive his Asti Martin through snow-covered Alps. Gracefully and with a sure hand. And then... rider nor horse ever looked back.

Street Sense must have had an idea he had won by the exuberance of Calvin, who pumped his fists in the air and threw the crowd a smile bright enough to be seen in Dubai.

As the most exciting two minutes in sports came to a close, America found a new favorite horse and embraced a jockey with a thirst for life and the Triple Crown. Onward and upward Street Sense!

One down and two to go!!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Was that a gall bladder, or a Toyota?

I just got the bill for my surgery/hospital stay the other day. Wow. I mean it. Wow! I could have purchased a car for the amount of money it took for the Best Surgeon Ever to have spent a couple of hours removing a little used organ from my body. Laproscopically. He didn't hardly have to cut into me.

For which I am eternally grateful.

But sheesh... $20K so far, and that is only the beginning. I have not received the bill from the Best Surgeon Ever. Or the Best Anesthesiologist Ever.

But I can tell you they think a lot about their sterile supplies there at the hospital. If I had know they were going to cost that much, I would have stopped by Walgreen's on my way in and picked up a few things... and then asked for a discount.

Alas... I am in the wrong business.

And I have been to see the Best Surgeon Ever for my post-op follow-up appointment. This really only consisted of me sitting in a waiting room for an hour and having my blood pressure and temperature taken by the nurse.

I saw the Best Surgeon Ever for only a few minutes. Maybe seven total... but he is a busy man, being the Best Surgeon Ever. He looked at my incisions and said they looked fine. He asked me if I ever went to a tanning bed and I said no. Then he asked if I ever lay out in the sun... and I almost laughed at him beause even if I did... I don't expose this flab to the sunlight. I told him I am going to Florida in June, and he warned me to keep my incisions covered if I am going to spend much time in the sunlight, or they will turn purple.

We don't want that. So I will be careful.

Then he told me that I should wait another week to do strenuous exercises... but I could start swimming if I want to. I can also eat anything I want. Anything. I want.

That's only one of the reasons he is the Best Surgeon Ever.

He told me to call if there was a problem. I asked if these little bandages would come off on their own, and he assured me they would in a couple more weeks. Which means I probably should not have peeled the first three off on my own. Oh well. Live and learn.