Monday, August 27, 2007

Viva Viagra?

Growing up as a teenage girl is never easy. I daresay there were days when I wished I were a boy... simply because I felt that girls were getting the short end of the stick when adolescence reared its ugly head.

I remember being HORRIFIED to know that sanitary products were going to play a major part in my life... at least every 28 days or so. I also remembered the first time I saw a television commercial for sanitary products and how mortified I was that one could be in the midst of determining who shot JR when out of nowhere, Tampax began boasting of their super absorbency.

Was nothing sacred?! Did the advertising executives have no couth whatsoever? Are these people INSANE?

Now that I am a mature woman, I realize that marketing and advertising is a lucrative field and one must go the extra mile to capture the mass public's attention. Super Bowl Sunday is not nearly so much about football anymore as it is about the 1.2 million dollar 30 second commercial for Bud Light, or Cadillac, or Coca-Cola. I have learned to embrace the marketing Einsteins who develop new and unique ways to entice me to purchase a particular product.

But I would love to meet the nimrods who developed the latest Viagra commercial.

Viagra is apparently such a wonderful product that men will gather together in an empty bar area and rewrite Elvis Presley tunes to sing its praises. Does anyone else find this unusual at the least and disturbing at best? Not that there is anything wrong with Viagra... I am sure there are millions of men who are overjoyed that such a drug exists.

But, do they really sit around and stare into each other's eyes and sing its praises? Do they grin at each other whilst strumming a guitar, thumping a bass, playing piano or drums and exclaim "Viva Viagra!" To the world?

I believe this is, by far, one of the worst television advertising campaigns I have ever seen. Does it make me want to rush out and purchase the product? No. Does it make me want to gather these men together and have them discuss their feelings with a trained counselor? Yes.

Perhaps their penance will be to watch 24 hours of nonstop Kotex commercials.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Do you ever wonder...

What sort of thoughts simply pop into your head when you least think about it? How long do you ponder said thoughts? If it is a flight of fancy, do you simply dispell the notion as quickly as it forms or do you take it to the Nth degree?

Apparently there are some paleontologists with a lot of time on their hands. Specifically when it comes to the velocity of long dead dinosaurs. But these ladies and gentlemen didn't simply ponder a thought and then dismiss it. No... they spent many hours pondering and probably many dollars to determine that a T-Rex could outrun David Beckham.,2933,294087,00.html

Wow. There's a no-brainer if I ever heard one.

I am certain that Mr. Beckham is horrified to know his prowess on the field of soccer battle could be easily quashed were he to find himself squaring off against an ancient species. I imagine if I were to bet money on a soccer match between bipeds of the human versus dinosaur type, I would simply place my money in the animal camp... as they will inevitably look upon their opponents as a food source. I imagine poor David has awakened in the dead of night bathed in a cold sweat and turned to Posh Spice in horror of being served up to those prehistoric carnivores, only to fall back upon his pillows with the knowledge that it was only a dream.

Quite an expensive dream those scientists have developed. Good to know their funding is well spent.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Another Milestone

Why is it that milestones make you immediately feel older? Why?

This morning, I went with my middle niece, Katy (or KAITLYN) to have her senior pictures shot. This invariably makes me an old person. This will be the second child of the next generation to go through this ritual. The second child whose diapers I changed, who threw up on me, whose boo-boos I kissed. Graduating. High School. I used to walk this child to get her to go to sleep.

She was the worst to get to sleep, by the way. Having arrived from the womb looking around for a party... she was never EVER one to fall asleep gracefully. No. She fought it. I am certain that my back problems started with the endless walking/bouncing/patting her rear that one does to get infants to sleep. I walked away from the temptation to slip her a little Jack Daniels in her evening bottle... but I was, indeed, tempted.

Katy realized the end of the summer was upon us... and also realized that she had not yet scheduled her senior pictures. So, schedule them she did for this morning. At 7:30 am. A. M.!!! Her friend Emily was going to be in her pictures, as well as big sister Kristin. We matched the perfect outfits with the perfect accessories and were ready to go.

My alarm went off at 5:15 a.m. I got out of the bed at 5:45 a.m. I had to be at the girls' house by 6:15 a.m. in order to oversee the extravaganza that would be Katy's photoshoot. Hair was done. Make-up was applied. Teeth were brushed. Deordorant was applied. We were off!

There is nothing quite so fun as putting three non-morning females in a car together. Two of them being sisters. Grumble, grumble, grumble, gripe. Fun times!

We arrived at our location at about 7:15 a.m. and were seen to immediately by the friendly staff at Michael's Photography in Smyrna. We got Katy's dressing room squared away first and by the time she had taken her formal drape and cap/gown photo, the studio had filled up with other eager seniors.

Katy's indoor photos where taken by a nice girl who played really good music in the background (Bruce Springsteen... nice) and then we hit the door for our outdoor shots. Dave was the name of our outdoor photographer and he was a very nice and likable fellow. He complimented Katy on her modeling ability (much to the chagrin of Emily, Kristin and I, who feared there would be no living with her after such accolades). We traveled the first outdoor session with some teen we'd never seen before, and found that Michael's boasts of at least five or six photographers... all roaming the same area... all taking pictures at the same time.

We headed down to a dock area where there was a man-made watering hole (too big for a creek, too small for a lake). The water was spring-fed, according to Dave, and made for a pretty nice backdrop. After those sets of photos were completed... we were on our way back to the house for a costume change.

A side note: The SHS cheerleaders were having their group photos done while we were there. It reminded me why I hate cheerleaders. Enough said.

Photo session number two was taken by some floral areas and back to the spring-fed watering hole... but a different location of said hole. We had picked up a surly teenage girl photog assistant, who had such an attitude, I really wanted to throw her in the water myself. She was constantly rolling her eyes at the comments the photographer made and complained about how long she had to hold the sun shield. HELLLOOOO... this is your JOOOOOBBBB.... I'm thinking she needs another line of work. Preferably nothing that requires her to have contact with the general public.

Side note number two: I was completely affirmed in the selection of both the shoes and the accessories for the brown polka dotted dress by a mother who was on the scene with her daughter. She fawned appropriately over Katy's ensemble and agreed that the shoes and the jewelry were just perfect.

I. Rock!

Katy posed with her feet in the water and posed on a swing and probably other assundry positions I can't recall and then it was back to the big house for the last costume change and to pick up Emily and Kristin (who decided it was too warm to traipse about the grounds watching Katy have her picture made).

We trekked back out to Ye Olde Watering Hole with Dave, Emily, Kristin, and Surly Girl the assistant. The girls sat on very uncomfortable rocks and Dave was kind enough to remove a rather large snakeskin that was in the area, regaling us with stories of the rather large snake that had been removed from the premises the day before. Surly Girl was quickly frightened and therefore surlier and my girls began darting looks back and forth between each other and looking into said watering hole for any snakes who were certainly scanning the area for lost family members.

Alas, none were found.

By the time we left the studio, the temperatures had begun to rise, and I found myself grateful that Katy had taken the earliest time frame for her shoot. Even a half hour later would have made a big difference with the heat.

Heat didn't use to bother me as much... then again... I am getting older by the day!