Seriously?...

As I continue on my little rant from the other day (the day I was a first responder after a not-so-intelligent fellow flipped his motorcycle) let me first preface this rant by saying I am guilty of this offense.

Sometimes I apply makeup whilst I'm driving.

I know.

It is bad. It is not good. It is something I should never do.

Ever.

But, I still do it sometimes. I really try to wait until I am in a traffic jam (which can occur at any given time here in the middle TN area) or when I am at a traffic light. But that is not always the case. Sometimes I will apply makeup when I am on a long stretch of straight road.

I try to keep one hand on the wheel.

However, I have never been quite as precise as the lady in front of my car today. She spent the ENTIRE LENGTH of a very long red light applying mascara.

To. One. Eye.

More that 45 seconds.

One. Eye.

Now, take just a minute (okay, really just 45 seconds) and see how long that really is.

It's okay. I'll wait.

(Jeopardy tune humming)

Now imagine applying mascara to ONE EYE for that length of time.

The girl could have waxed BOTH eyebrows in that amount of time.

Or her upper lip.

Or her legs.

I sat in stunned amazement. Was she applying mascara to each individual lash? Was she OCD?

We'll just never know.

Here I Come to Save the Day!!!

So.... I was minding my own business on my drive home yesterday when I topped the hill on I-24 right before the Sam Ridley Pkway exit. I noticed that there were blue lights on the overpass and that meant the traffic exiting the interstate was backed up quite a bit.

Because I'm such a good girl, I took my foot off the gas pedal and tried to determine if I wanted to pass this exit and go to the next, or if it was moving enough to head off at the correct location. It looked to be moving... just slowly. So, I planned to make the exit.

UNTIL.

Mr. Speedy Gonzalez on a Yamaha motorcycle FLEW past me on my left and cut in front of my car. The problem was that Mr. G was not paying attention and was moving FAST upon that long line of stopped traffic. I was on the phone with a friend and hung up on her in order to dial 911.

Why? Because Mr. G slammed on the front brakes of his bike and immediately flew himself up in the air, flipping a couple of times before landing in a grassy patch on the side of the road. Where he lay. Motionless.

I pulled over immediately, as did a nurse and a couple other women to see if this man were injured and/or dead.

He finally stood up and was rather shaken up. He wanted to just get back on his bike and drive away, but he could not pick the bike up. We Three Women assisted him and after a number of tries, he was able to get the bike started again. However, he was pretty disoriented and the nurse and I really did our best to help him out. She got his cell phone out and helped him place a call to a family friend while I watched the ambulance and State Troopers arrive on the scene.

As I was the only actual eyewitness, I spoke for a minute or two to the Troopers who thought it would be a great idea for Mr. G to step into the ambulance and get checked out. He did, and they worked to move the bike. I was released to leave and I did. Here are some ideas:

1. Be aware of your surroundings when you are driving.

2. Look ahead and see what is going on around you and when the Speedies of the world pass and get in your lane... take your foot off the gas and prepare to slow down/stop.

3. Try NOT to be that Speedy guy.

4. Be VERY aware of motorcyclists.

5. Be very aware of where you are so you can give accurate directions to emergency personnel should you need to contact them.

6. Be careful out there. Buckle up those seat belts. (Requelle...that means you!!!)

Turtles and Dancing Men!

There are any numbers of reasons for traffic problems in the middle Tennessee area. Car accidents. Stalled cars. Police cruisers waiting patiently for that speeding bullet that just passed you. Construction. Country Music stars. The President of the United States dropping by on his way to the White House. Rain. Snow. The threat of snow. The very idea that some precipitation other than sunshine will fall to the earth. Any number of reasons. Let’s add one more…

Turtles.

That’s right. I said it. Turtles. Those happy little cartoon characters that slowly move across the roadways of life. The Victor over the mad cap rabbit! The aged character that led the young man to Mr. Owl to determine how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop!

You with me now?

You can now add to the long list of turtle accomplishments… stopping traffic.

The nature-loving idiot I came upon had blocked traffic on a two lane road in order to allow the turtle to get from one side to the other. Yes. Blocked traffic. Both ways. The stopped cars sat idle whilst their drivers (I am one of those) stared in amazement at the spectacle.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking what a great guy he is. What a nature lover. What an earthy fellow. Don’t be fooled. This man could EASILY pick up said turtle and place him in the tall grassy field. It’s not like he couldn’t catch him. It’s not like he was greased up from some sort of pig wrastlin’ competition.

But no. Instead, our turtle’s hero gently nudged him along. He was probably worried about affecting the turtle’s Zen or something.

I wanted to go out and shoot something. But I held off.

The next sight I saw warmed my now cold and frosty heart. I was sitting at a red light this morning when a movement from the corner of my eye caught my attention. In the BMW to my left was an adult man, in his early 40s with a little boy in a car seat. The two of these men were just singing away with each other. I don’t know what the song was… but there were hand motions and Father and Son were having a great time! It was a wonderful moment to see.

It restored my faith that man was not a bumbling idiot bent upon causing traffic accidents to watch a turtle cross the road.