Sunday, February 27, 2011

Why does it HURT so much??

I had my gall bladder removed a few years ago. It was the first hospitalization I had ever personally had - and I was in my 40s. So, I thought that was pretty good.

The pain that led me to the doctor, which led me to the ER, which led to the x-ray and ultrasound and finally led to surgery was pretty bad.

I would have done it all again instead of the millisecond of a burn I sustained on my right thumb earlier this week.

I was getting a pan out of the oven and the oven towel slipped and for the most fraction of a second, my thumb made contact with a VERY hot pan.

But, I did not curse. I thought of curse words, but they did not come out.

And then... the pain.

Oh. The. Pain.

How could something that was such a short time inflict something that hurt so bad!?

So, I slammed it into a glass of ice water and the maternal unit told me I need to rub butter on it.

Then, I had a butter finger! Ha! Get it? OOOhh. I know. I'm too much.

Seriously, then I shoved it back in to the ice water and spent the next HOUR biting my lips and talking myself out of driving to the ER in order to have my thumb amputated, which I can assure you would NOT have hurt nearly as bad.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Grammy ReWind 2011

I am officially an old person. I know this because I just sat through the entire 2011 Grammy show and wished for the days when the weirdest artist out there was Alannis Morrisette. An artist who I really like… but weird in her time.

I am also old because I was looking forward the most to Bob Dylan, Mick Jagger and Barbra Streisand. So… having issued that disclaimer, here are my thoughts on this rather lackluster evening:

Red Carpet:
I made the mistake of turning the channel just in time to see Lady Gaga being unloaded onto the shoulders of male models with nice pecs. Gaga is in an egg. An. Egg. She cannot be bothered to be interviewed because she is incubating.
Maybe the correct term should be incubus.

I stopped listening to this nonsense when I heard the words womb and dilating in reference to Gaga’s departure from said egg onstage. We must all wait patiently for what will be the great birthing of this legend…. Blah, blah, blah. We learn this is not entirely true as it appears that Gaga is clothed in black in said opaque egg and her emergence onstage is in something yellow. At some point G has left the birthing canal for a costume change. Now I just feel cheated. Okay, I don’t really feel cheated at all.

Oh look. Rhianna. Wearing a mesh dress of white Christmas garland. That’s a little past the season. Unless my friend Brent still has his Christmas d├ęcor up… then she is fine.

Look who else… Eva Longoria and Kim Kardashian(sp?) Because when I think of music awards, I immediately think of Eva and Kim. Riiiiight. Kim’s dress had to be refitted today because it did not fit over her booty.

Thanks for sharing Kim.

Let’s get to the show, shall we?

The opening performance is a tribute to Aretha Franklin featuring Yolanda Adams, Jennifer Hudson, Martina McBride, Christina Aguilera, and Florence Welch. I love the music. I mean, who doesn’t love the soulful music of Aretha Franklin? I think individually these women all have strong pipes and make their own beautiful music. But having them all end on the same song and try to out do each other? Tacky. It was nice until the end.

And then Christina stumbles off her shoes.

Lady Gaga: Raise your hands if you are a fan of “This is Spinal Tap” and are holding your breath and hoping the pod/egg will not open? I see that hand!! I do! I really was wishing for a wonderfully bad timed pod/egg malfunction. But alas. I now get to hear Gaga sing different words to Madonna’s “Express Yourself”.

I say this because as G was singing her song, I was able to sing the lyrics to Express Yourself and it completely fits.

I am worried that I know the words to Express Yourself.

G has some pipes. She’s just so freakin’ weird. I am not saying she can’t sing, I am saying having that kind of ability and then wrapping it up in freakishness isn’t really as creative as it looks. Instead, it looks like you’re trying to hide a lack of talent.

Live and sing free Gaga! Don’t stay in that cocoon of awkwardness any longer.

Justin Biebers: Did I spell his name right? I don’t know. I’ll just refer to him as Beebs from this point on.

Why are there Ninja drummers and Ninja acrobats onstage with the Beebs? Does anyone know? Because when I think of the Grammys… I automatically think of Ninjas. Don’t you?

Oh. Wait. There’s a Will Smith child onstage. This song must have been from the Karate Kid movie. That explains the Ninjas. Kind of. At any rate, the Beebs has talent and moves, and a relationship with Usher, who has now joined the party.

Uh-oh. Usher’s shades went flying. He’s not nearly as cool as he was just a few seconds ago. I can’t remember a time I have seen Usher perform without shades. This may be a Grammy first! They really are doing a good job. But, I don’t get the whole Beebs fever thing.

Then again, I’m not a pre-pubescent girl.

Bob Dylan: A moment I have been waiting for. I’ve seen Dylan in concert a couple of times and he puts on a really good show.

Who are these people? Mumford & Sons? Is that like Sanford and Sons, only different? And then there’s this other band… Avert something? Where is Dylan? I thought it was going to be…

There he is! Bob!! Remember me from Nashville?

Bob? Clear your throat Bob. I’ve been rooting for you here Bob.

Wait just a minute. I sit through two songs PRE-Bob by two bands I don’t know and then Bob comes out and I get a verse and a chorus and three blows on the harmonica? I’m feeling a little cheated again here.

Lady Antebellum: I don’t know a lot about this group because they are a country group… but the one song they do that is so popular is pretty beautiful and I think they harmonize very well… and I know they are generous people.

Cee Lo Green & Gwyneth Paltrow… and a few muppets – Oh My.

Confession time: I actually kinda really love this song.

Let me rephrase. I love the G rated version of this song. I am appalled at the X rated version (because I think it is worse than an R rating) But the G rated version has a great beat and so… there you have it.

Now… Cee Lo is looking a little George Clinton & Funkadelic and I have NO idea why there are muppets on the show… but I get the Gwyneth tie because she did this song when she appeared on Glee. If nothing else, I want Gwyn’s shoes and this is the most colorful event of the night.

Best New Artist Award: Getting ready for the Beebs’ fan base to being shrieking.

BUT NO!!! The award goes to Esperanza Spaulding! No one can believe it. Not even the Beebs can believe it!

Raise your hands if you know who Esperanza Spaulding is. (Crickets chirping)

I have a feeling Google is going to be overloaded for searches for her, since no one has heard of her. But… you Go Girl!

But… Esperanza apparently plays the upright bass. So, she’s pretty cool in my book.

The Beebs is watching her play upright bass from the audience and he is still in shock. He can’t even spell Esperanza.

Mick Jagger: Well Mick… you still got the moves and the pipes. You go on with your bad self. Classic.

Barbra Streisand: Ahhh… Evergreen. Babs is introduced by Kris Kristofferson who played opposite her in “A Star is Born”, which was the first R-rated movie I ever saw.

Sidenote: my mother took me to see A Star is Born. I think it may have been the first and last movie my mother took me to see. We went because we love music. We were not expecting curse words and nudity.

My mother announced that we were not expecting curse words and nudity to the entire movie audience at the time. I sank into my seat and tried to pretend I didn’t know her.

Back to Babs.

I love this song. It reminds me of the movie. I don’t agree with Babs on any number of political positions… but the sister can sing. AND… her performance actually has a melody and full orchestrations. Take that! Rhianna.

But for the LOVE, Grammy producers! What would make you think a great segueway would be to go from BABS to handing an award to Eminem for RAP? Were you smoking Crack when you put this show together? You go from BABS to a standing ovation to a commercial break you Jack Wagons!

Here’s John Cougar Mellencamp/Cougar/Mellencamp’s illegitimate love child P. Diddy… Diddy… or Sean Combs… or Sean John… or Puff Daddy… or Puff Pastry. Crap. I can’t keep up with this man’s name. And when did he go all GRILL on us? Seriously affecting your speech pattern there Diddy, er, Daddy, er… whatever.

More Rhianna. With Drake. I don’t know who Drake is… and I only know Rhianna because of her hair and her ability to make me want to stuff cotton balls in my ears. Not a fan of Rhianna. Its just the tone of her voice that grates on me. Others like her and that’s fine. I am not a fan of the bedazzled chastity belt she is wearing… but I like the color of her hair.

You know… I liked Empire State of Mind for about the first 150 times I heard it. I’m kinda over it now.

Arcade Fire: I have no idea who this group is… I am just grateful that I don’t suffer from epilepsy. I also don’t know why there are dirt bike riders on stage. Because when I think of the Grammys, I immediately think of dirt bike riders.

And pro football players… because Clay Matthews was there earlier. And I ALWAYS think of Pro Football players when I think of the Grammys.

And… Arcade Fire wins the big prize at the end.

And all the dirt bike riders in America rejoiced.

And I could finally stop watching and do my homework.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Just a Game??

I have the best of friends. I really do. On Thursday, in the midst of the snow here in

Coach Calipari and Doron Lamb
Tennessee, I got a text from my friend Missy. She had two tickets for me if I wanted them - to go to the Kentucky/Vanderbilt basketball game in Nashville.

I'm a Kentucky fan. Did you know? Missy knew. She's a rock star in my book now. A Complete Rock. Star. So is her son Eli, who was the actual initial recipient of the tickets. I am just glad that he really did not want to go to that game.

So, I got to go. I took my older brother. This will undoubtedly cause problems with my younger brother. But I figure it is payback for the fact that he went to Lexington and was at the 2000th basketball win at Kentucky. Did I get an invite to that? No. No, I didn't.

Paybacks really do stink at times.

At any rate... the seats were GREAT! We were seated right next to the Vandy student section... and that was loud. But the people who were in our closest proximity were pretty nice to us. There were hecklers around that were a little hateful, but we just tried to ignore them.

I got to take my camera in, so I thought I would share a few with the three people who read this blog:

Terrence Jones - warming up

Really wish I had a faster shutter speed to get these shots a little clearer

Gotta love this team!!

Tip Off

Coach Cal - right after the technical was called on Liggins. I agree with Cal - it was a bad call

Brandon Knight (12) and Terrence Jones (3) bringing the ball up the court

Time to huddle up. It's too bad we lost this game. But, it is always great to see this team play!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Thoughts at One in the Morning.

1. Why am I still awake at this time of night? Because it has snowed, which means I don't have to worry about getting to work on time. I will make it to work at some point, but I have no idea when. If tonight's traffic is any indication, I might get to work by Noon. I have friends who were stuck in traffic for more than four hours... just trying to travel 35 miles. Welcome to middle Tennessee.

2. I was not stuck in traffic. The snow started at my office at about 3:15. They were tiny flakes, and I did not think it was going to be a problem. Within 15 minutes, the ground was starting to get covered and so were the roads. So, I got on the road with the hopes that I could get in front of the storm and still travel the back roads. Why? Because I knew the main roads were going to be packed and I did not want to sit in my car for four hours.

3. I am grateful that I was able to beat the snow home. Which I did. My drive was about an hour, and I was very happy for that.

4. I rarely get lost. I get this from my father I think. If I get a little turned around, I will just keep driving until I see something familiar. It usually works out. And... I usually find another little side road or adventure.

5. Roads are adventurous. Food is not. I don't really want adventure in my food. I have never thought about octopus and wondered what it would taste like. The same thing with beef tongue. Or liver. Some parts of the animal just don't need to be eaten. And some animals just don't seem like they should be eaten either. Like octopus.

6. I love Kevin Kline. He is quirky and fun and a wonderful actor.

7. I saw a few minutes of a new television show tonight: Mr. Sunshine. I forgot that it was premiering tonight and so it had already started when I got around to turning to that channel. I really liked what I saw. F-U-N-N-Y. Seriously funny. I am going to go find it on ABC and see if I can get the entire episode.

8. I had homemade chili tonight. It was wonderful. It may be why I am still awake. Or I could still be awake because I am blogging right now.

9. My I-pod appears to have died. This makes me very, very sad. I hooked it up to my computer and I got nothing. Not. A. Thing.

10. I can't think of anything else to say, but I didn't want to end with number nine. Now, I can officially go to sleep.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Super Bowl XLV Commercial Recap

5:22 – Lea Michelle sings America the Beautiful and apparently many believe it is the National Anthem. Exxcept for Aaron Rodgers who is looking around and wondering what all the fuss is about. He is apparently not a Glee fan.

5:23: Christina Aguilera. Did she mess up the words to the National anthem? Yes, yes she did. If there is ever a song to know all the words to, it would be the National Anthem. Heck… get a teleprompter if you have to. And did she really have to go there on that last note? Don’t try to go all Whitney Houston on us here Christina. I’m a fan of yours. Really I am. But when Lea Michelle is better than you… it’s just sad.

5:35 Kick off – and We’re off. Oh wait… that’s horse racing.

5:44 FIRST commercial break:

Bud Light kitchen make-over. You guys spent a lot of money for nothing. That’s a fail.

Doritos Pug attack. I think this may have been like a winner of a contest. You usually can’t go wrong with a cute dog, but: Blah.

Audi: This actually had some thought behind it. Clever.

5:50 SECOND commercial break:

Doritos: Wow. Did he just suck that man’s fingers? And sniff that other man’s pants? Okay. That was better than the pug, but I feel somewhat dirty now and it has nothing to do with nacho cheese residue.

Chevrolet Cruze: Chevy missed the mark with this one. Am I getting too cynical? I am expecting more and so far, epic fail on the commercial departments.

Pepsi: Ick. I say this probably because I HATE Pepsi. H-A-T-E it. Really. But this just wasn’t all that. Keeping my hopes up that they are saving the better ones for later.

5:56 THIRD commercial break:

Bud Lite spoof of Three Musketeers movie and product placement. That was better than the kitchen make-over, but that is not saying much.

8:44 FOURTH commercial break

Chevy Truck: Okay… the first commercial to make me laugh out loud. Nice throwback to the old Lassie days.

Movie: Faster & Furiouser? Oh. Five Fast. I guess I had to have seen the first four in order to appreciate the commercial. Or that Dwayne Johnson

Ashton Kutcher is behind Laura Bush. Hoping she doesn’t get punked

A-Rod apparently can’t feed himself. Nice that Cameron is there to help out.

Packers score first. Much to my dismay.

6:02 FOURTH commercial break:

Pepsi Max: Still no. I cannot think of a way that Pepsi could make a commercial that would make me want to buy and drink their product. Have I mentioned that I hate Pepsi? This was better than the last one, but what is it with Pepsi and hitting people?

Doritos- Dead fish. Who knew Doritos had the power to restore life? Bringing Grandpa back was rather epic.

Hyundai Elantra. That didn’t do much for me… and I own a Hyundai

I don’t count the Fox show commercials

6:05 FIFTH set of commercials:

Movie trailer for Cowboys & Aliens. You know, when I first saw this ad a few months ago, I thought it was a joke. It apparently is not a joke. It has Daniel Craig in it and I love Daniel Craig. But I’m not so sure about this movie. Probably a rental.

Kia’s one epic ride. That cost a lot of money. Good use of a tagline though.

6:08 Packers score again. And there’s a flag on the play? There was no reason for a flag. I don’t think that was excessive. My Steelers may be in trouble here.

6:09 SIXTH set of commercials:

Eminem for Brisk Ice Tea. Because Slim Shady doesn’t want to do a beer commercial? This may not be the best marketing of his brand. Ice Tea? Really? At any rate, claymation Eminem is not really any better than the real thing. But maybe a little cuter.

6:16 SEVENTH commercial break

Bridgestone Tire. That was pretty clever. It took me a while to get what the commercial was for, but clever.

Go Daddy. So far the best use of celebrity – and I’m not talking Danica Patrick or Jillian Michaels, but Joan Rivers. That was fun. Even though I really hate Go Daddy commercials.

Steelers finally on the board.

6:23 EIGHTH commercial break

Budweiser: It’s the CLYDESDALES! But not really. I am hoping for a better Clydesdale commercial coming up. However, the fact that this is using Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” is pretty classic.

Telaflora commercial with Faith Hill: Pretty good. Nice rack. Let’s us know where men’s minds really are. Not a surprise there.

Movie Trailer: Transformers again? Okay. I liked the others, so I’ll give it a chance. But probably as a rental.

Hey! John Travolta & Ron Howard are in the house. How did they get tickets, I wonder?

6:26 NINTH commercial break

BMW – Please buy our cars. We’re helping the economy here. We have plants all over the country. Okay… at least in the south and the west coast.

Motorola Xoom. Apparently better than the IPad, which is just a cookie cutter gadget. The Xoom makes you take the stairs. Buys flowers for girls and doesn’t listen to Ipods. The Xoom makes you an individual… and makes girls not listen to their Ipods either.

BMW (part Two) Smog is bad. Bad smog. Bad. The diesel Beemer is better for the environment. Of course, you still can’t afford one… but if you could, they’d have the car to buy.

6:31 TENTH commercial break

Coke commercial: Is it Lord of the Rings? No… its COKE. It vanquishes the Orcs and creates fireworks. It cost a lot of money and the only reason I am not completely slamming it is because it is Coke, which is better than Pepsi any day.

Movie trailer for Thor: Natalie Portman? Really?

VW mini Darth Vader: BEST. COMMERCIAL. EVER. At least, so far. Hilarious. How can you go wrong with a little kid in a Darth Vader costume?

6:39 ELEVENTH commercial break

Snickers: Richard Lewis & Roseanne Barr. Okay… I laughed here. Anything that knocks Roseanne on her keister.

Career Builder: Chimps make bad drivers… and bad commercials.

Movie trailer: Super 8. I have no idea what this movie will be about.

6:49 TWELTH commercial break:

Onstar: They can give you Facebook statuses now… because that is important when you are driving.

Movie trailer: Capt America: This makes me happy. I’d like to see more.

CarMax: That was cute. It was a little too fast to blog about, but clever.

6:57 FINALLY the Steelers get a TD. It only took them until 39 second left in the first half.

And now… HALF- TIME

Black Eyed Peas - Dropping from the ceiling is AWESOME. That may be the end of the awesomeness of this show though.

I Gotta Feeling. I Gotta Feeling the sound engineers should get the mics working. I am all about live performances and no lip synching… but it really means the sound guys get the mix right. How hard can this be? You’re playing a track and have four wireless mic units to run. Epic Fail on the sound guys. They shouldn’t get paid.

BOOM BOOM POW – It’s a Tron half time show. LED outfits are pretty cool. Not Winter Olympics cool, but cool nonetheless.

Really… get the freakin’ mics working.

SLASH!! But… why is Fergie singing Guns & Roses music? Why is she trying to dance around Slash? You don’t get your groove on with Slash! That’s sacrilegious.

USHER! His mic works. Sorta. He can get his grove on though.

And now… the floor says Love. And the sound issues are still there… and the show is over.

People either loved or hated that halftime show. The sound engineers should probably never be hired for a live event again.

7:36 Back to commercials- THIRTEENTH commercial break Blah.

Etrade Baby. Love these commercials. Still like the Ipad one better, but this was worthy of a giggle. Who doesn’t love babies talking and getting measured for a suit by an Italian designer? Only Nazis.

Best Buy. Ozzie and the Biebers. Now this was fun. I hate that they want to put Ozzie out to pasture and let the Biebs take over, but a great commercial. And I hate the Biebs. Was that Justin Timberlake at the end?

I may have missed some commercials as the puppy had to be taken outside and there are just some things one should not delay. Puppy potty breaks are one of them.

7:50 FOURTEENTH commercial break

Elantra. Still not exciting. Still not going to buy that car. Will keep my Santa Fe.

Groupon. Tim Hutton? Really? That was the best you can do? I don’t think I even knew there was a Tibetan food group category.

Coke. We’ll bring peace to the world, if you’ll just let us. The border guards have nothing but love for each other now. Loved this commercial. But then again, I love Coke. Have I mentioned that?

7:53 FIFTEENTH commercial break

Stella Artois. Adrian Brody sings in a nightclub. Makes me want to snap my fingers over and over, smoke foreign herbal cigarettes and wear dramatically black clothing. And rhyme. Doesn’t make me want to buy a beer though.

Carmax. Thing of the past ad. That was great fun. Enjoyed the panicked feeling of this generation not understanding full service at a gas station. Dang. I’m old.

Simon Cowell is back? Why?

8:01 SIXTEENTH commercial break

What does Detroit know about luxury? I give up. They don’t have much in the way of a football team. Hey… it’s a Chrysler commercial. Do they even still make Chryslers? Apparently so. Is that Eminem? Driving a Chrysler? I really do not think he is all that bad@$$ any more if he drives a Chrysler and drinks Lipton Brisk tea.

8:22 SEVENTEETH commercial break

NFL. Best Fans Ever. May shoot to the top of Best. Commercial.

Jack in the Box. An American Jack Combo. This would be a great commercial except for the fact that all the Jack in the Box restaurants in middle TN have closed. Sad.

Arbys. They serve fish now? Fail. They only serve Pepsi products. I will order their roast beef and drive across to the McDonald’s for a Coke.

8:32 EIGHTEENTH commercial break

Movie trailer: Rango. Who isn’t going to love this? Johnny Depp playing a lizard. Not that far a cry from Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, if you think about it. Talking cars. I have yet to see an impressive car commercial.

Bud lite. Dogs as wait staff. This is awesome. Dogs playing poker… does it get any better than that?

8:35 NINETEENTH commercial break.

Sonata hybrid. Better than the other Hyundai commercials.

Pepsi commercial. Okay, this was funny and you know how I hate Pepsi. Another example of how men and women are truly different and think on different planes. Still won’t buy the product.

Movie Trailer: Rio. Cute animated film… with apparently a big booty involved.

8:44 TWENTIETH commercial break:

Bridgestone – so much better than the last Bridgestone commercial.

Go daddy. I hate these commercials. I always have.

VW Beetle. Oh Black Betty, Bam-a-Lam. Love it. It’s a bug and I like it. This is monumental because I hate bugs. The insects, not the car. I learned to drive a stick shift on a VW Beetle.

8:47 TWENTY-FIRST commercial break:

Mercedes Benz. With Janis Joplin? Classic. So why did you have to ruin it with P Diddy? This was an awesome ad, P Diddy appearance notwithstanding.

House Commercial. I said I wouldn’t include these… but that was CLASSIC!! Love the play off the old Mean Joe Green commercial.

8:57 TWENTY-SECOND commercial break

Camaro. I used to own a Camaro. I never looked like those women. But I sure drove it fast. Man, I loved that car!

Verizon guy is back!! Yay. We can still hear you too. The best decision I made was to change to Verizon. Have I ever mentioned that?

Movie Trailer:Limitless. De Niro. That may be worth it.

Skechers. With Kim Kar??? No thank you. If I had ever thought to buy those shoes, I have just made the decision to pass on them.

9:09 TWENTY-THIRD and final commercial break

Etrade Baby – flu shot with the cat. Awesome.

Okay… I’m going to move over to Hawaii 5-0 because my team lost and I will enjoy a H50 rerun better than these commercials.
No Clydesdales= Lame.