Monday, August 31, 2009

... And Then I Woke Up.

I have apparently developed very bad sleeping habits. As you will recall from a few posts back… I have awakened in the morning with the mouth guard I occasionally wear in varying locations in my bed or on the floor.

Let me back track by stating that I am a night person. I really do not enjoy mornings at all. I would never have survived in the wild days of yore when womenfolk woke at the crack o’dawn to work the fields, birth the babies and fight off outlaws. (Okay, I might have been able to fight the outlaws, assuming they were not morning people either!) I understand they went to bed at sunset and were therefore awake and fresh as daisies by the time the sun rose. That still would not be me. I could still sleep until 9 or 10.

But, I live in the modern era of alarm clocks and all night cable television/internet access. Because I am susceptible to hitting the snooze button for an hour or so, I have devised a second alarm. My cell phone will put forth a hideous sound about 15 minutes after the alarm clock. The problem is there is a snooze option on the phone two. I essentially spend about 30 minutes rolling from alarm clock to cell phone (each on opposite sides of the bed).

Now, in order to GO to sleep, I set my television on a timer. I will set it for about 30 minutes and I am usually asleep within 5-10 minutes. I never hear the TV click off. EVER. I do not have bedside tables. Instead, I have two short pillars on either side of the bed that serve as tables. There is really only enough room on one for a very small lap, my TV and cable remotes and my cell phone. The other side only has the alarm clock. Nothing else will fit there.

Side Note: My TV is old enough that it has to have a separate cable box. The option for the time is on the TV remote but I can use the cable remote to change channels and monitor the volume.

The alarms started going off this morning. I started my morning practice of rolling from one side of the bed to the other and hitting various snooze buttons. At whatever point I actually “woke up” I found myself in bed with various devices. (Oh. That doesn’t sound good). I not only had dragged the electrical CD/Radio/Alarm clock into the bed with me, but I also had my cell phone and BOTH television remotes.

Amazing. I hate to think what would happen if I were actually married. I mean, er…

Wow. That didn’t sound right either.


Requelle said...

Requelle said...

Want me to find out if the sleep clinic will do a 2-for-1 deal?

Mary said...

Hilarious. Be careful what you put within reach of your bed please. I would hate to hear of some freak accident you had with a curling iron or something because it was within reach of whatever you were doing.